It all started when the star kid and full-time internet superstar Taimur Ali Khan’s nanny emerged as the Most Photographed Personality of 2017. In a house inundated with starry names, creating – and breaking – records weren’t of news, but Kareena Kapoor Khan woke up shocked one morning to find that her one-year-old infant’s nanny had doubled her number of photo-ops over the course of the past one year.

“I just hired her because I wanted a place to rest Taimur so that the paps wouldn’t capture just half the words of my slogan Gucci tee,” she recalled tearfully of the recruitment.

“I never expected that there would vipers in my own kitchen, so to speak,” she rued, even as bestie and professional photobomber, Amrita Arora hushed her out of sight of the media and sent her off on a yoga retreat in exchange for a social media review after she was done.

The nanny in question (name withheld on request) sat down with us to speak of her newfound status as a veritable style icon and her counter-hegemonic wardrobe consisting entirely of snowy white hues. Here’s what we learned:

Minimalism will get you everywhere, except on Manish Malhotra’s radar because his 20/20 vision consists entirely of bling. But that’s okay, because those sequined gowns are definitely a bitch to run through the dryer and who wants a clogged plumbing system when you can have a fully functional white tunic instead that won’t leech colour on the other clothes in your laundry load?

When in doubt, say it’s Parisian chic. If you’re still unclear about which school of thought this is referring to, please rest assured, because else no knows what it is either.

Separates are everything. When you have a wardrobe full of white button-down shirts and white trousers, the possibilities are quite literally endless.

Accessorising is key. “Some of these so-called fashion insiders will try to tell you that baby spittle doesn’t qualify as an aesthetically pleasing accessory. Throw the aforementioned baby puke at them.”

Always, but always, be prepared with a backup. In case of a fashion emergency, the nanny can personally verify that an infant born of two powerful Bollywood bloodlines serves as the best accoutrement to keep anyone from looking too closely at any wardrobe mishaps. Or at you altogether.