Taurus

The people you thought were gone forever from your life will come back in an unexpected way, just like your good friend diarrhoea.

Gemini

You’re in the perfect place to find romance and if you move an inch to the right, you can also feel the optimum level of cooling from the air conditioner.

Cancer

You need to seek out someone unbiased and professional to wade through the issues you’ve been struggling with, who is also not the stray cat who hates your face.

Leo

It’s a good week to catch up on all the catching up you’ve been meaning to do with your college friends. If only you could make multiple calls from the prison.

Virgo

Don’t let people’s judgement stop you from doing what you actually want to do. They don’t understand that drinking blood gives you immortality and better skin.

Libra

Sonam Kapoor’s wedding is not a good enough excuse for you to not care enough about Shahid-Mira’s baby. You need to be equally invested in both.

Scorpio

If your life was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, you’d think you’d be an Anjali. But you know in the deepest of your heart that you’re probably a Rifat Bi.

Sagittarius

It’s hard to see the big picture right now because the swelling on your eye hasn’t gone down much since the time you got punched in the face.

Capricorn

When your interviewers asked if you have any special talents, it would’ve been a better idea to not tell them about the time you successfully made Varun Dhawan’s Voodoo doll.

Aquarius

This will be the week you break the internet by slipping down the stairs in your house and accidentally yanking out the WiFi cables on your way down.

Pisces

Only crying and complaining about your problems won’t be enough. Try drowning your sorrow in alcohol too.

Aries

You’ve tried everything you can to cure yourself off your obsession with the Hate Story franchise, but what can you do if watching it is the only reason you’re happy.