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7 Ways to Control Yourself from Confronting Genocide Enthusiasts in Public Places

By Team Rayon Updated: January 29, 2020 at 12:52 pm 8 Comment

Genocidal fanatics are humans too. There. We said it. Yes, they may use all the resources at their disposal to aid the destruction of democracy and promote hatred against minorities, but they are humans like you and me. But unlike you and me, they should not be held accountable for their actions because Nazi feelings are delicate and precious and must not be toyed with at any cost.

So in case you run into one in public, you must refrain yourself from asking them how they sleep at night knowing that their actions have a direct impact on the people struggling to survive in their own country, and if there is a club of fellow genocide enthusiasts and what kind of mangoes they have in their meetings. Just don’t.

Here are a few tips to maintain the proper etiquette whilst in the company of a known genocidal maniac. (If you follow even one of them, you’ll be good. But following all of the steps will ensure maximum impact.

1) Keep super glue handy

The best solution to spare the feelings of poor Nazi cheerleaders is to just glue your mouth shut. If you don’t have a mouth hole then no hurtful words can come out of your mouth hole. Simple.

2) Tie yourself up

If you’re in a vehicle, just buckle yourself in your seat as tightly as possible. You can also ask the person next to you for help, as it might make the buckling more effective. This will prevent you from physically getting up from your seat and heckling a respectable member of the Nazi organisation. If you’re not in a vehicle, just keep a rope handy and go to town with the knots.

3) Try contacting a dead person through an Ouija board

This will not help in any way but it will distract you for a few seconds. Bonus: You might contact a dead person and find out what hell is like.

4) Imagine a world where kittens can talk, but only in Amitabh Bachchan’s voice

Think of a world where your pet kitten can come up to you and tell you that you suck in a deep baritone. Again, this doesn’t help but it does mean that you’ll be too terrified at the prospect of talking to confront any genocidal maniacs.

5) Watch something on YouTube

If you see a known rabid Nazi out and about in public, then you should immediately whip out your phone and watch something on YouTube to keep you occupied for 15 minutes. It can be anything from clips with the sound scientists captured on Jupiter or how to not heckle a Nazi. It’s up to you.

6) Do kegels

Improve your pelvic floor’s strength and let a bigot live peacefully at the same time. It’s a two-for-one!

7) Run away

It doesn’t matter where you are. You must protect the feelings of the poor Nazi at all costs. Run away from the situation. You’re on a plane? Jump off using a parachute. You’re having dinner with your family? Abandon them and start a new family in another town. Just run away.