“Fitness for me isn’t just about an Instagram post. I believe in keeping myself fit from head to toe because everyone knows that when the inevitable apocalypse hits, they will spare the people with razor-sharp abs,” says Kareena Kapoor Khan, lounging on a three-hundred thread count sheet aesthetically patterned with the silhouette of Taimur’s man bun. 

When asked about how she keeps her eyelashes toned despite being a Bollywood heiress and privileged at the same time, she revealed, “Lean and mean eyelashes are no joke, let me tell you that. You have your work cut out for you, right from the moment you wake up in the morning and first open your eyelids in slow motion tapping out the Morse Code in reverse.”

She goes on to add, “…then, handpick and place each individual eyelash in a blender along with the last of your will to live, but remember to first drain out Taimur’s spittle because man, that kid can burp. Usually, right in your ear after you have spent three hours painstakingly contouring your earlobe into shape. Oh wait, what do you mean you don’t make your earlobe do 30 reps everyday? Is this how the other half lives?”