After months of trying, we used our stalking and blackmailing skills and managed to get two minutes with superstar Janhvi Kapoor, as she braved her way through the gathered paparazzi outside the airport.
I was ready, armed with my questions, mostly about her Aadhar details and what’s it like being the youngest woman to land on Moon, when I’m backed into a corner by her team. They asked me if I was legit and I said I am the most legit thing out there. Then, they snatched the notebook I had with all my legit questions and gave me the questions that I could ask the Dhadak star. There was just one question in the interview: What is your skincare routine like?
I finally get introduced to Janhvi. We’re seated in a luxury golf cart, as we make our way to Janhvi’s private jet, crushing pedestrians here and there.
I decide to waste no time, and read out the question from the list I’ve been handed, and she looks confused. But that could also be how she normally looks. It’s a thin line and it’s very difficult to figure out the difference.
“I don’t do anything, I just stay happy and it shows on my…” before Janhvi could say anything more, she gets interrupted by her publicist.
After heated discussion that made me feel awkward, and frankly, a little unwanted, her publicist answers, “ Janhvi is being modest. She does so much. She makes sure she cleanses tones and moisturises her skin twice a day,” Janhvi nods her agreement, and the publicist continues, “Every other night, she makes sure she puts on a sheet mask made of papaya pulp and special vampire blood sourced from the Netherlands on her face and not to forget she uses a lip balm made out of beeswax brought in fresh every day mixed with coconut oil and red wine for plump bee-stung lips.”
I wanted to ask her if she looks like a washed up whale on her Aadhar card too, but before I could say Aadhar, I was unceremoniously thrown out of the golf cart.
I went back to my car thinking that this was probably the weirdest interviews I’ve done in my life. Just as I was about to get inside my car, I noticed a short, elf-like creature, with huge eyes and even bigger ears. It was sitting on the front seat, continually jamming its fingers into the lighter.
“AbRam?” I called out, and he looked at me wild-eyed, “I DO JANHVI’S SKIN AT NIGHT WHEN SHE IS SLEEPING. HER TEAM HAS A FEW OF US TIED UP IN HER CLOSET AND WHEN SHE SLEEPS WE WORK ON MAKING HER SKIN PERFECT. THEY HAVE OUR FAVOURITE SOCKS UNDER HOSTAGE. I AM NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE,” it launches itself out of the open car door and runs off into the distance.
Is Janhvi into house elf slavery? Are there more such creatures, trapped to serve Bollywood celebrities forever? And most importantly, how DOES Janhvi feel on being the youngest woman to land on Moon?
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