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Taimur Ali Khan Announces New Venture, A Mentoring Program for New and Upcoming Star Kids to “Learn How Not Be Basic Losers”

By Team Rayon Updated: August 28, 2020 at 7:35 am 7 Comment

After Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan’s baby announcement, there was another baby news that shook the Internet. Everyone’s other favourite Bollywood couple Anushka Sharma and Virat Kohli also announced that they’re expecting their first child soon.


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Just a few hours after Virat and Anushka’s announcement, Media Darling Taimur Ali Khan released a statement that introduced his latest venture.

“I’m very pleased to announce the creation of Star Kids Unite,” said Taimur, “It’s a unique incubator that will take on babies and toddlers of celebrities and mentor them to handle their new found fame in a way that honours our stature and just learn how to not be basic losers.”

According to the press release, this would be a mentorship program that would be headed by Taimur himself. “I know that I have a lot to offer to the young babies who will be birthed to these celebrities. I have also asked my friends Yash and Roohi Johar to join in and contribute whatever little they know about handling fame with grace and panache.”

He also addressed the memes and Tweets about him losing his fame, now that there are new babies for the media to obsessively follow. “Who said this? Was it AbRam?” he yelled, during a digital press conference to talk about this new venture. After his nanny showed him the memes in question, he regained his composure and continued, “These are obviously hurtful, but I understand why people would be thinking that. I am very secure in my fame. In fact, they call me Mr. Secure in his Fame down at my Jazzercise class. I, obviously, haven’t started this program to control the popularity of other kids. I’m not threatened. YOU HEAR THAT ABRAM?!”

His nanny announced that he would like to take a few minutes for a quick snack break.

“I wish there was something like this new mentorship program when I was a baby,” said Ananya Panday, on the condition of anonymity, “But I had to struggle on my own to reach where I have reached right now.”

Any star kid can apply for the program but would have to go through a rigorous vetting procedure before being allowed to be a part of Star Kids Unite. “They would have to be willing to accept honest critique and also acknowledge that they would never besmirch my good name,” said Taimur, after returning from his quick snack break.

So does this mean Taimur’s future brother or sister has to work towards getting into the program? “Of course,” said Taimur, “I hate nepotism.”

Are you excited about Taimur’s new venture?