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2018 Weekly Horoscope: 22-28 October

By Team Rayon Updated: October 22, 2018 at 1:11 pm 8 Comment


You will find out who truly loves you and who wants to murder you in a hilarious incident involving a butter knife and an electric socket.


Maybe the stars would tell you what would happen in your life if you actually had one.


You thought having a boyfriend would be fun but you will soon realize that you have to feed it four times a day, take it out for daily evening walks and brush its fur for it to glow.


Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve your dreams. Science has come too far for you to not be able to look like Anupam Kher like you’ve always wanted.


Yes, it’s perfectly alright to break up with someone who doesn’t believe in the same theory about Andhadhun’s end that you do.


Rejoice now you have Deepika and Ranveer’s wedding to obsess over. This will be a good distraction from the meaningless black hole that is your life.


You love it when people say you have movie star looks. You just wish it wasn’t followed by a mean  ‘Not’.


The stars think it would be healthier for everyone involved if you would just accept that you have perpetual explosive diarrhoea and move on.


If your name doesn’t begin with the letters ‘Q’ or ‘Z’, then this horoscope is not for you. Leave immediately.


Your commitment to eating healthy is admirable but your proclivity to tell people about it, every two seconds, will be the number one cause of your untimely murder.


People are starting to get suspicious about the relation between the dead pigeons that keep cropping up outside your house and your recently cleared skin.


Everyone will remember you at your office, long after you’re gone. Mostly as the guy who nobody liked.